I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize