I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
handjob tips. give me some.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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