So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
