he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
