I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
