Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
