I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
