No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is it because I queefed?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
