I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
