dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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