i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
