Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
