The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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