well I can't set my house on fire every night
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize