just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
