I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
