I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
