He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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