shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Are we still banned from the library?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
