I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
