Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
