well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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