yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
