You can't special order awesome
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
