also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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