You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
