I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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