did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
