I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
