Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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