You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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