I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
