Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
