I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
