Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
