Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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