I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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