did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
