Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
