my sisters under your porch take her home
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
