if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
