u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
