I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
