sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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