Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
