she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
