he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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