my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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