He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
