My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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