so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
