Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We talked him into tasing himself.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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