I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
