thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
