there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My cat gives me a boner
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
