maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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