I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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