im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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