Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
