it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
