Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize