Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
