She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
