well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
