I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
