So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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