Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
