Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
