My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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