He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The feeling are messing with the penis
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
