Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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