they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
