from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
