i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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