My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
